Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
