I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
