so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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