I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
