Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
