If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
