Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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