the condom got lost in my hair
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
