Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
