She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
