You're completely useless in the revolution.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
