We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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