you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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