cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
