In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
