last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
