M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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