your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
