I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
