and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
