Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
