The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize