Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
