Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
