I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
