Pappa wants mamma naked
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
