FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize