We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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