I think I died a long time ago.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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