turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
