So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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