im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
