Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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