Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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