he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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