why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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