Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
