we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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