The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
