I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
