So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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