Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
