im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
