she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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