Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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