just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
