a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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