I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
