He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
