How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
