Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
