Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
