Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
