one might say we're banned from that church
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize