Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
