Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My dick has a subreddit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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