you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
