I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
