guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
