This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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