Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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