That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
