remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
