I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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