he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
