M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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