I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
