hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
