So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize