Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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