Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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