his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FUCK WHALES
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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