Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
