Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
