literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
