I got chris browned last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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